Nice Shoes

oopps

2006-03-29T09:40:00.000+01:00

Ok so I've been very slack lately, not to worry, Arsenal's performance was excellent last night, I'm in my new flat and now have use of a swimming pool, and I got paid today (although not as much as I hoped). This does mean that I am ready to go out on the beers big time this weekend, boat race starting just down the road by Putney bridge, see you there losers

The proposition

2006-03-07T10:07:00.000Z

I am going to start by saying if this works I will be very surprised. If I was a gambling man I would bet against it but for the sake of social experimentation I am willing to give this a go. For this experiment, I am going to stake a huge quantity of my own money, a whole tenner in fact (equivilant of nearly 4 pints of lager in Wetherspoons, 5 packs of Biltong, 100 miles worth of diesel if I could get my car to start or a hand shandy of the minger from Girls Aloud). So, what is this exciting new sociological experiment I am talking about, well, here it is plain and simple.....

I want to turn £10 into £1000 within the next month, I think it is possible if we are clever about it. So 30 days, that is roughly 17% increase day on day, the first day we should be up to £11.70 and then £13.7, £16 and so on until we hit the £1000 around day 29. This £1000 will then be going behind a bar somewhere in London for all participants to enjoy a few beers and plan the next one. The smart ones of you out there, you know who you are, will have noticed the word participants, this refers to those people who are willing to send me tips on a regular basis, I think 10 over the course of the next 30 days should do it, for horses, dogs, football teams, rugby teams and any other sort of team or individual you think can win something which we can bet on. The choice of bets will be down to me along with how we stake the money but ultimately those who take part should feel involved with the process.

I am going to start off proceedings with a bet on Arsenal to go through to the next round of the Champions League, I know it's tomorrow but not a lot I can do about that as the games today are all a bit sketchy, I will update if I see something good though or if someone emails in any suggestions that get approved.

My name is Jon ... update

2006-02-27T09:09:00.000Z

Null points - yes i'm being lazy

Fighting talk

2006-02-22T11:11:00.000Z

Right, I'm having another one of those days, the bloody estate agents are messing me around again and I'm pissed off with work, the tube, not being paid yet and the prospect of being homeless in a few weeks. Therefore we are going to have a little discussion which relates to something I heard about a month or so ago

This is a fake story but it does raise the important question of just how many midgets it would take to defeat a lion

http://www.newturfers.com/mwf/attach/38/355838/BBCNEWSWorldLionMutilates42MidgetsinCambodianRing-Fight.htm

There are a few things to bare in mind here, is the lion hungry, is it tame, are the midgets tame, are they indeed proper midgets or just little people - this could go on an on. I'm going to fire the first shot and say 50 midgets would do it, Cambodian or otherwise (we have to exclude Pygmy's from this 'cause they are trained to hunt wild animals, I reckon 10 of them would have a lion no problem).

Please email in and I will post the answers to this for further discussion. If you have any other match ups you would like to see then please let me know. Some ideas I have so far are a Whale vs The Thames (snigger), Christina and Brittney vs me and a bottle of baby oil (in your dreams, bitches), Killer Whale against Great white shark. Getting bored of thinking stuff up now but please if you have any ideas let me know

The end of the road......

2006-02-21T13:36:00.000Z

Hursty last night...

"I don't mind living next door to her, as I really like this one. Think she might be 'THE' one."

Oh dear boys...

Racing tips for Tuesday 21st..

2006-02-21T13:04:00.000Z

A few points up today, good amount of losers

Big Rob 4:30 Exeter 21Feb Lost
De Blanc 3:00 Exeter 21Feb Lost
Polar Gunner 4:50 Sedgefield 21Feb 6/4 won
Bang And Blame 3:20 Sedgefield 21Feb Lost
Young Collier 4:30 Exeter 21Feb Lost
Canavan 3:20 Sedgefield 21Feb Lost
Genelardais 3:30 Exeter 21Feb 11/8 won
Saameq 5:15 Wolverhampton 20Feb Lost
Basilea Star 3:30 Exeter 21Feb Lost
Ten-cents 1:40 Lingfield 21Feb Lost

Come on LOSE....

My Boss

2006-02-21T09:34:00.000Z

Cunt. Has no balls and no life. Can't manage himself let alone me and if he asks me anything in a condescending way again I am likely to twat him.

Northern line

2006-02-21T09:24:00.000Z

Rant rant rant. I think the tube workers are lazy. They get about half a year's holiday and still seem to be half arsed about their jobs. Sod them, if they get abuse it's there own fault. You can at least tell the people crammed into the train why we are stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes and apologise for being shit. I hate the tube and the lazy people who run it

Customers

2006-02-20T12:34:00.000Z

They're fucking stupid. I've just had one woman on the phone who did not know what I meant when I said "click the right mouse button" - "how do I know which is the right button?". Fucking morons. Any other client stories please email them in and I'll try and post them if I'm not too busy dealing with the other retarded customers I have

March 20th - lads, google this date

2006-02-20T11:40:00.000Z

For all you boys out there who had to endure a crappy romantic meal followed by "tonight it's all about you Honey" sex on 14th Feb it is time for payback. The top listing on google should say it all so just enter March 20th into the google box above and all will become clear. Now it is our responsibility to take this valuable information and educate the masses. Make it so....

Boredom with work

2006-02-20T10:52:00.000Z

I am really really fucking bored today. It's Monday, I've had a shitty weekend and there's a whole fucking week to go before I can have another lie in. However, I do get paid this week which is a bonus and I am also single again so looking forward to some hunting this weekend.

Al you keen for Inferno's????

Racing tips for Monday 20th..

2006-02-20T10:51:00.000Z

Cark 2:25 Wolverhampton Lost
Debbie 5:15 Wolverhampton Won at 10/1!!!!!
Bobby Charles 4:30 Lingfield 3rd place
Blue Hedges 3:20 Lingfield Lost
Legacy 3:35 Wolverhampton Lost
Western Sky 2:50 Lingfield Lost
Mansiya nap 3:55 Lingfield Lost

Well the one winner we had today was annoying, 10/1 shot. Maybe I'm getting better at picking these winners.

Racing tips for Friday 17th..

2006-02-17T12:09:00.000Z

About 3.2 points up today, it looks like each day goes a different way so maybe we should back the horses tomorrow

New Perk 3:50 Fakenham 2.66-2.68, 1.4-1.45 1st place
Miss Skippy nap 3:50 Fakenham 7.2-7.4, 2.12-2.48 Lost
Euro American 4:00 Market Rasen 2.92-2.96, 1.43-1.48 2nd place
Caraman 4:30 Market Rasen 4.2-4.3, 1.76-1 3rd place
Obrigado 4:40 Wolverhampton 5.3-5.5, 2-2.16 Lost
Baylaw Star 4:40 Wolverhampton 15.5-16, 4.2-5. 3rd place
Tambourine Davis 4:50 Fakenham 3-3.05, 1.23-1.38 2nd place
Wyldello nap 4:50 Fakenham 1.92-1.95, 1.13-1.14 1st place

Ups and downs this week, lets see what happens today. There are few races where there are two horses so see how this pans out

House Hunting part 2

2006-02-16T13:14:00.000Z

We've found somewhere that is amazing and affordable and meets all our requirements other than the optional stuff like a couple of hot lesbian maids who also do massage. Great news. The problem now is that until we can get out of our current tenancy agreement we can't move in to this place. So the estate agents finding our place have done an ok job but to be honest it would have sold itself without their £350 admin charge and opening the door to show us around. The problem now is our current estate agents who have asked us if we can move out sooner as it would help them out re-renting the place but then followed up by saying if their lazy arses could not find new tenants then we have to pay until the end of our contract. So let my get this right, we do you a favour and your happy with us, we do you a favour and you don't do your jobs right we get screwed. Idiots the lot of them. I think someone should put a ban on idiots dealing with responsible things like where I'm going to be living and give the responsibility to someone with an IQ over 20.

Racing tips for Thursday 16th..

2006-02-16T12:15:00.000Z

well, 4 1st places which really tore into the profit we'd made, 5 points down on the day, not ideal.

Sunley Future 2:10 Taunton 6-6.2, 2.08-2.18 1st place
Princelet nap 2:30 Huntingdon 2.16-2.18, 1.2-1.22 Fell, lost
Commercial Flyer nap 2:40 Taunton 1.78-1.79, 1.24-1.28 1st place
Scotty's Future 3:20 Southwell 4.2-4.4, 1.43-1.5 6th place
The Roney Man 3:35 Clonmel 2.4-2.45, 1.27-1.59 1st place
Dispol Isle 4:20 Southwell 4-4.2, 1.63-1.89 4th place
Safsoof 4:25 Nad Al Sheba 5.8-6.4, 1.83-2 3rd place
Herakles 4:30 Huntingdon 3.6-3.65, 1.66-1.69 1st place
Arry Dash nap 5:00 Huntingdon 5.7-5.8, 2.08-2.22 2nd place

Lets hope today goes as badly as yesterday for these gee gees

Racing tips for Wednesday 15th..awesome

2006-02-15T16:02:00.001Z

It's good to see I have absolutely no faith in my ability to back horses. All the selections today, yes ALL of them, did not win, not only that not a single one got placed either. That means despite a win for one of the horses yesterday we are back in profit to the tune of +7 points for today. If we had layed them not to be placed we would be looking at another 7 points so worth bearing in mind.

More losers to come tomorrow I hope. Stay tuned.

Warning

2006-02-15T16:02:00.000Z

I don't how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know. This happened to me at Tesco in Lincoln and it could happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as
you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your
windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling
out of their skimpy t-shirts.

It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip,
they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco.

You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having
sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat
and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again
on Saturday, and also yesterday.

House Hunting

2006-02-15T12:09:00.000Z

I'm looking for a new flat at the moment with my housemates, it's pretty dull and dealing with the estate agents is a pain but a necessity. Last night we saw three properties, one was tiny and completely useless for our needs, the next one was bigger but so tacky that I would be amazed if anyone other than some proper skanky students would live there and the final one was awesome, other than the fact the landlord had shrunk the 3rd double bedroom into a tiny little box by extending the one bathroom which already has two sinks. I mean come on, these people are expecting me to pay money for a house which is so badly designed to allow normal people to inhabit would take a miracle or some really creative selling, something the 22 year old estate agent from the dreaded Fo****s had no ability to do. It did provide us some amusement though when he told us about his girlfriend (well, ex girlfriend) who had split up with him and keeps calling him to tell him which beach resort she is staying at (having sex at with her new bloke more like). The issue I have with Estate agents is that they think they are sales people, they're not, generally the reason they become estate agents is that no-one in their right mind would employ them in a proper sales job. If I want a house that does not match my requirements I will not tell you my requirements and make you guess, then you can get it wrong as much as you like. If I tell you I want a three double bedroomed house with two toilets and a good sized living room with a nice finish to the place that is because I want exactly that, don't try and sell me something that does not meet these requirements because you'll be wasting my time and yours, and I'll get annoyed with you and go direct to the owner so you lose your commission. Muppets

Racing tips for Wednesday 15th..

2006-02-15T10:10:00.000Z

Rubberdubber 3:10 Leicester 2.5 - 2.56, place 1.4 - 1.44
Aghacashel Angel 3:35 Fairyhouse 6.4-7.2, place 2.12
Nagano 3:40 Leicester 3.7-3.8, place 1.72-1.78
Fen Game 3:50 Lingfield 3.55-3.6, place 1.76-1.8
Ballyhurry 4:00 Musselburgh 3.05-3.1, place 1.47-1.5
Lennon 4:00 Musselburgh 4.4-4.5, place 1,84-1.88
Custodian nap 4:20 Lingfield 3.5-3.55, place 1.54-1.62
Celtic Flow 4:30 Musselburgh 7.2-7.6, 2.4-2.48

There are two in the 4 o'clock, i'm going to say lay both and see what happens. Make your own choice on this.

Racing tips for Tuesday 14th..

2006-02-14T17:02:00.000Z

Well this was a losing days for losers, ie they went and won, buggers. We had a winner on the first selection, it came second and then the rest went and won so we would have been down 5 points. I swear if I had backed them to win they would have all lost. Interesting to see that as we had 3 wins and a place that the places would have given us a tidy profit of around 2.2 points if we had backed them. I'll keep trying.

Racing tips for Tuesday 14th..

2006-02-14T09:14:00.000Z

Kintbury Cross 2:00 Southwell to back at 10, lay at 11, place 1.96 - 2.01
Alfonso 3:30 Southwell 14Feb 4.7-5, place 1.92-2.02
Opera Mundi 2:20 Folkestone 1.74 -1.77, place 1.19-1.22
Reveillez 2:50 Folkestone 1.35-1,36, place 1.14-1.15

At least one of these should lose

Racing tips for today..updated

2006-02-13T15:37:00.000Z

So the second one lost, I am so good at losing it's unreal. Anyway, this means that for today we have a small amount of profit, not a lot but enough for a pint at least. Wait for Jonny's losers tomorrow and lets see if we can make a bit more off the donkeys.

Racing tips for today..updated

2006-02-13T14:32:00.000Z

Well Heathcote went and won, it's surprising that if I were to have put a load on it to win it would have lost, I'm sure of it. Not to worry, the next one is coming up soon, let's hope it doesn't do so well.

Racing tips for today..

2006-02-13T10:30:00.000Z

Well I'm never any good at this so thought I'd put some tips up here. The good thing about having something like betfair.com available is that if you don't think you're any good at picking horses or football games, or anything you can bet on for that matter, you can still win. I bet (excuse the pun) that most of us have seen a surefire bet somewhere and put some money on in the hope of making a few quid, only to see Man Utd draw with Burton Albion or a three legged donkey to turn up instead of the super-thoroughbred-can't-fail-to-lose-stallion. My advice, pick the ones you think will make you money, back them not to win and see what happens. You don't see any poor bookies do you?

So today the horses I would usually pick to win are ....
Heathcote in the 2.00 at Plumpton and Sunset King in the 2.30. Both are favourites and hopefully they will lose. But don't take my word for it, have a look yourselves and see what a good loser I am.

In the beginning.....

2006-02-13T10:01:00.000Z

Well this is the first post, I'm at work at the moment but not really doing anything on a monday morning. Not really sure what's going to go up on this blog because if I tell people I know about it then I can't write about them. I think I will set up some rules for myself about what I can and can't post, maybe set some challenges, something to make people interested in it. There will definitely be something about gambling, women, drinking and my work.